by Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s also a time when we celebrate our mothers, grandmas, aunties, and other mother figures.
Motherhood is a transformative and profound journey — it changes you in such a deep way, and yet we often don’t acknowledge how hard that can be.
I’ve struggled with my own mental health throughout my life, and becoming a mother has brought its own set of ups and downs — moments of overwhelm, stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. And yet, motherhood has also been the source of some of the deepest love and joy I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Motherhood has helped me fall in love with life in new ways — especially in the little moments with the family I’ve created. But let’s be real: it’s not always easy. And no one should have to go through it alone.
Dear Yesenia, Lately, I’ve been feeling completely drained — like I’m constantly running on empty, just trying to keep up with everything. Between work, school drop-offs, meals, laundry, and trying to be emotionally present for my kids, I don’t even recognize myself some days. I know I need support, but I don’t even know where to start or what kind of help I need. How do you ask for help when you’re used to being the one holding it all together? Gracie
Dear Gracie, I’m sure many parents and caregivers are familiar with that feeling. As we juggle all the daily demands and endless to do lists, it’s so easy to forget about ourselves. But your mental health matters. You matter. Taking care of yourself is essential. You deserve support, rest, and moments to simply breathe. This is why “taking care of yourself” is one of the core principles of positive parenting in the Triple P program. It’s easier said than done, but here are some tips to try:
Allow yourself to slow down. Practice saying “no” to extra commitments if you can. And don’t feel guilty about taking time to rest and watch TV, or doing something else that helps you relax. If you have young children who need supervision, ask your partner or another caregiver to watch them so you get a true, guilt-free break. If your kids are older and don’t need constant supervision, tell them you’re taking a mental wellness break. Talk about and agree on safe, engaging activities they will do so that you can get a guilt-free, worry-free break.
Recognize signs of stress. People feel and respond to stress in different ways. Stress is often felt as physical pain or discomfort, which can intensify mental and emotional distress, creating a cycle that is difficult to break. If you experience tense or stiff muscles, headaches, extreme emotions, difficulty sleeping, constant tiredness, problems concentrating, an upset stomach, or frequent illnesses or infections, those may be signs that your mind and body need a break. Try to notice these signs before you reach the point where you feel you can’t do anything.
Practice relaxation techniques. When you notice signs of stress, take a few slow, deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, pause, then let all the air out and do it again. Or tighten the muscles in one area of your body for 10 seconds, then relax the muscles to relieve the tension. Repeat with a different area of your body, noticing how the tension and relaxation feels each time. Other relaxation techniques include art, exercising, meditating, reading, listening to music, cooking, journaling, or being in nature. Find a technique that helps you feel calm and practice it every day.
Use affirmations or coping statements. Thoughts such as, “I can’t deal with this,” or “This will never change” might feel true, but negative thinking can increase stress, anxiety, helplessness, or hopelessness and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, try replacing negative thoughts with an affirmation or coping statement, such as: I’m doing the best I can. My mental well-being is a priority. Just breathe. I can only do so much. Tomorrow is a new day.
Final Thoughts: Find self-care techniques that work for you and turn them into daily habits. Remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, a weakness, or a waste of time. Nurturing your mental health will reduce the stress of parenting (and everyday life) and provide a healthy model for your children, who are 
developing their own tools for coping with stress.
This monthly column provides tips for anyone raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 3-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
