Hello,
When I ask people how they feel about family gatherings, common responses include:
“I LOVE my family – and I break out in hives every time we get together!”
“I tell myself I won’t get sucked in this time – and then, I get sucked in AGAIN!”
“I am excited to reconnect – and, I dread the arguments!”
Instead of suffering through it, getting sucked in, dreading, and getting very triggered, you can take charge of your family gathering experiences – and prepare your kids to do the same. These skills and resources can help!Be prepared to interrupt and redirect arguments, monologues, and unwanted advice! The key to interrupting powerfully AND respectfully is to PRACTICE.
Watch these entertaining role plays to see our skills in action:
People around the world share success stories using these powerful skills! For example, a friend once told me, “My teenagers dread Thanksgiving because older relatives bombard them with unwanted advice and negative comments about their choices.”
I suggested, “Practice with them how to interrupt politely and clearly and then how to change the subject to something that they DO want to talk about! You can play the role of the relative and coach them to interrupt you mid-sentence by saying, loudly and clearly, ‘Excuse me, Auntie! I don’t want to talk about my grades. Tell me about some of the funny cat videos you like to watch!”‘
My friend asked, “What if our relatives get hurt feelings and say, sadly, ‘I just want to help you!”‘
I said, “Prepare your teens to persist and say, ‘I appreciate that you care about me – and, I don’t want to talk about grades right now. I DO want to hear your funny cat stories!'”
My friend’s kids ended up having a wonderful time making up problem behavior and practicing different responses – some of them wildly inappropriate! And, they did a great job of managing the conversations at their holiday dinner.
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You’ll find many more solutions for identifying, preventing, and overcoming obstacles to having fantastic family gatherings in our article
Making Family Gatherings GREAT – Not, Awful – including ways to:
Embrace the Mixed Bag – so you can make all your guests feel welcomed
Be Proactive – Prevent Problems – so you can replace worry about trouble with skills to avoid it
Make an Emotional Safety Plan – so you can manage triggers, protect your feelings, and stay calm
Make Realistic Plans About Logistics – so you can confidently manage expenses, timing, location, activities, and meals
Prevent Accidents, Fights, Illnesses – so you can avoid trips to the hospital – or the need for more therapy
Use Boundary and Communication Skills – so you can speak up, listen, and get help
Appreciate and Celebrate – so you can enjoy your time together knowing you and your loved ones do NOT have to be perfect to be GREAT!
We are here to help! Are you struggling with how to make the best of your time with difficult family members? Email us to get a personal confidential reply.
Wishing you joy, peace, health, and safety today – and always,
Irene van der Zande
Executive Director & Founder Kidpower
