Ask Yesenia: Little Changes, Lasting Impact
April is the Month of the Young Child and Child Abuse Prevention Month, which is a good opportunity to remind ourselves that 1) raising happy, healthy children is both exhausting and rewarding, 2) every parent struggles, feels unprepared, or worries they’ve failed at parenting at some point, and 3) everyone in the community can play a role in making sure children and families have the resources and support needed to thrive.
Dear Yesenia, My family is struggling. My partner and I are both stressed with work, and we barely spend time together. When we do, we end up arguing, and the kids fight. I lose my patience, yell, and my partner gets upset with me for it. It’s a constant cycle, even though we all want better communication and relationships. How can we change this? Sandy
Dear Sandy, You’re not alone! Many families experience similar types of stress and conflict. Parents are often embarrassed or afraid to talk about parenting and relationship difficulties out of fear of being judged as a “bad parent.” The good news is that there are small steps you can take that can have a big impact on your family’s communication and relationships. Here are 30 small steps to try – one for each day of the month:
- Stop and listen. When your child needs you, stop what you’re doing, make eye contact and listen (instead of saying “in a minute”).
- Make a meal together. Let your child pick the food.
- Go to a park. Visit a neighborhood or state park.
- Go on a walk or hike. Walk in your neighborhood, at the beach, or in the forest. Discuss what you see.
- Explore local museums. The Museum of Art and History, Santa Cruz Children’s Museum of Discovery and Seymour Marine Discovery Center have free or low-cost admission.
- Do chores together. Make it fun by talking or listening to music.
- Play a sport together. A fun way to stay active as a family, even if you’re not a natural athlete.
- Volunteer together. Pick a nonprofit to support as a family.
- Play games. Play cards, board games, video games or make up your own.
- Do a home improvement project. It’s a great way to spend time together and teach valuable skills.
- Tell each other stories. Tell true stories or imagine one together.
- Look at family photos. Take turns talking about your favorites.
- Play music. Make a family playlist, then sing and dance together!
- Plant a garden. Let your child pick seeds to plant together, then watch the garden grow.
- Read together. Take turns reading out loud, or read silently next to each other.
- Give each child one-on-one time before bed. Snuggle or share a quick hug before the lights go out.
- Have a picnic. Grab a blanket, some food, and head outdoors.
- Teach each other something new. Take turns showing each other a new skill.
- Build a fort. Grab blankets and pillows and create a cozy hideout.
- Attend community events. Check out Growing Up in Santa Cruz or Santa Cruz Parent to find fun, free events.
- Go on a “date” with your child. Schedule special alone time with each child.
- Eat a meal together. Turn off all electronics and discuss the day.
- Write notes or draw pictures. Write an “I love you” note or draw pictures to show you care.
- Visit your local library. From books to story time to homework help, libraries offer something for everyone.
- Have a marathon movie (or TV) night. Reconnect, relax, and laugh together after a busy week.
- Go on a walking “tour.” Pick a few local places of interest, then explore on foot.
- Look at the stars. Let your kids stay up to watch the stars appear.
- Look at a map together. Teach your child how to read a map. Explain where you live.
- Have a family meeting. This is a great time for everyone to discuss issues, coordinate schedules, create rules, or make decisions.
- Just hang out. Give yourselves a break. Sit, relax, and enjoy each other’s company!
Final Thoughts: Remember that raising children isn’t easy, but no one should have to struggle alone, even when we’re practicing social distancing. Small steps make a big difference. Try these ideas and add to the list!
This monthly article provides tips for families raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 2-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
