by Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo
I love this time of year, filled with joy, cherished traditions, gratitude – and let’s not forget those wonderfully cozy moments. The holidays often encourage us to reflect on and appreciate what we have, especially our loved ones. However, they can also be challenging for families, bringing stress along with the celebrations. I’ve come to realize that it’s perfectly okay to feel both things at once. I love family gatherings, yet I also find myself feeling stressed at times. Instead of simply celebrating, the holidays can sometimes feel like something we need to survive. This season, I want to remind myself to be present, savor the small moments, and truly enjoy my family. Who’s joining me?
Dear Yesenia, We’re visiting my partner’s family for about a week over the holidays, which involves traveling with two young children (3, 6). Since they live far away, we only get to see them once a year during the holidays. We’ll be staying at my partner’s parents’ house, and my kids often feel overwhelmed in unfamiliar places and around “new” people. I also worry about myself. I often receive unwanted parenting advice, which adds to my stress and makes it hard for me to feel like myself while caring for my kids. Do you have any tips for me? Ava
Dear Ava,
Great question! The holidays can be an exciting AND stressful time for many children and adults. Hectic schedules, endless shopping, high expectations, tight budgets, family conflict or different beliefs about holiday celebrations can all create enormous pressure on parents. Holidays can be hard for children, too, if they get bored, tired, hungry, over-stimulated or overwhelmed. Children often communicate their needs and feelings through behaviors such as whining, complaining, tantrums and refusing to follow directions — adding to parents’ stress. Here are a few tips to try:
Maintain your children’s daily routines. The predictability of daily routines helps children feel secure and can prevent meltdowns caused by being tired, hungry, over-stimulated or overwhelmed. Ask family members about their plans for mealtimes, visits, exchanging gifts or other holiday activities, and let them know about your children’s schedules. This allows you to discuss whether any plans can be modified so your children can participate, or helps family members understand that your children may have to follow a different schedule than the adults.
Talk to your children about your holiday plans. Talk about your travel plans, which relatives they will see, as well as any important family, cultural or religious traditions. Talk about what it will be like to stay at their grandparents’ house – what room they’ll sleep in, any rules they’ll have to follow and how it will be different from being at home. Talking with children not only increases their vocabulary and thinking skills, but also gives them a “mental picture” of what to expect, which helps prepare them to face unfamiliar situations.
Have simple, engaging activities ready for your children. This helps prevent meltdowns caused by boredom or restlessness. Take healthy snacks, some books and a few of their favorite toys on your trip. Play guessing games, make up stories or sing along to your favorite songs. And let’s face it – letting children have a modest amount of age-appropriate screen time (TV, movies, video games, computer) can give both children and parents a much-needed break after constant activities and socializing.
Encourage the behavior you want to see more of. Give your children descriptive praise when they are being kind, helping others, following family rules or expressing their feelings appropriately. This shows them you appreciate their efforts and encourages them to keep it up.
Take time for yourself. Being a parent during the holidays while surrounded by advice-giving relatives and not being in your own space can be incredibly stressful. It’s important to find ways to relieve stress before it affects your ability to enjoy the holidays with your family. If possible, take some time for yourself, and do something you enjoy, such as going for a walk, having a solo coffee trip, listening to music, reading a book or sitting in a quiet room by yourself.
Final thoughts: Holidays provide special opportunities to enjoy quality family time, but they can also add stress and pressure for many families. Try a few of these positive parenting strategies to help you and your family not just survive, but thrive, during this holiday season.
This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 2-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
