by Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo
I grew up with one TV in our living room. We took turns picking a show — usually just one a day — and the rest of the time was filled with homework, family dinners, and playing with my siblings. I remember being jealous of friends who had TVs in their rooms, but looking back, I’m so grateful. Having one shared screen meant we talked more, played more, and spent real time together.
Now, with my three-year-old daughter, I try to keep that same balance. We’re mindful about screen time, and I love seeing how easily she dives into imaginative play. We still enjoy our cozy Friday night movie nights, but we aim to keep screens as part of our family life — not the center of it. Finding that balance feels like a gift.
This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org.
Dear Yesenia,
We relaxed screen-time rules for our teens (14 and 16) because their devices were helping with school and staying connected with friends. Now they’re on their phones constantly, and we’d like to set new limits. How can we bring this up without them feeling like we’re being unfair or too strict? Hector
Dear Hector,
You’re not alone! It’s often difficult for parents and caregivers to set and follow through on screen time limits, but it’s important to teach children and teens to use screens (social media, video games, movies, etc.) in healthy, responsible ways. This teaches them self-regulation skills and prepares them for responsibilities later in life. Here are some tips to try:
Talk with your teens. Have a family meeting about screen time. Acknowledge that you’ve been lenient about screen time rules because of the pandemic. Let them know that was temporary, and now you’d like to create family agreements that provide a healthier balance.
Understand their screen time habits. Before discussing limits, ask questions to better understand your teens’ screen time habits. Remember that screen time isn’t always or automatically harmful. For instance, watching a movie can be enjoyable and provide a break from schoolwork or other challenging tasks. And using technology to read, play active games or exercise, connect with peers, or create art, music, or videos can be beneficial and even help kids develop useful skills for school and future jobs. But too much screen time can contribute to physical health problems (headaches, lack of sleep) and mental health concerns (depression, anxiety), especially if it increases social isolation, decreases physical activity, or exposes kids to bullying or other inappropriate content.
Develop family agreements for screen time. Keep them simple and realistic. Consider setting weekly (versus daily) screen time limits, defining types of content or activities that are acceptable versus off-limits, and agreeing on rules about when and where screens can be used (e.g., “Put away phones while we eat,” or “Turn devices off by 10 p.m.”). Involve your teens in defining these agreements, how they will follow them, and what will happen if they ignore the rules. Remember that logical consequences, such as temporarily removing screen time privileges, are meant to be a teaching tool versus a punishment. Emphasize that the more your teens take responsibility for following the family agreements, the less you have to intervene to enforce the rules. Then focus on setting a good example with your own screen time habits.
Identify other interesting activities. Find out what sports, art, music, and other activities are available at school or in the community. Encourage your kids to pick a non-screen activity they’re interested in and that will fit your family’s schedule and budget. It could be an activity they do alone, together, or even as a family.
Encourage behavior you want to see more of. When your kids do other activities or follow the family agreements on their own, show interest and give your attention. It can be as simple as asking, “What music are you listening to?” or saying, “Thanks for putting away your phones. I really enjoy our dinnertime conversations.” This helps shift everyone’s attention to the things your teens are doing well instead of things you wish they would stop doing.
Final Thoughts: Teaching kids about healthy screen time limits is one way to help them become confident, competent individuals. And who knows…parents and caregivers could benefit, too!
Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo is the mother of a 3-year-old daughter and the Triple P Program Manager for First 5 Santa Cruz County. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.
